Understanding the distinction between love, lust, and limerence is a crucial aspect of wisdom. While they can feel similar on the surface, they are worlds apart in truth. Knowing the distinction helps protect your heart and allows you to welcome healthier, more fulfilling relationships into your life.
The Illusion of Lust and Limerence
At their core, lust and limerence are not love. They are built on self-interest rather than genuine care.
• Lust is driven by desire and pleasure. It seeks to use others as a means of escape or satisfaction, often leaving behind emptiness once those desires are fulfilled. When the cravings aren’t satisfied, frustration and anger often take their place.
• Limerence is obsession disguised as love. It projects fantasies onto someone, seeing them as a character in a story rather than a real human being. In limerence, people fall in love with the idea of you—your aura, your image, or what they believe you represent—rather than who you truly are.
Both lust and limerence are temporary. Due to their foundation in illusion and self-interest, lust and limerence fail to withstand the passage of time.
The Endurance of True Love
True love is entirely different. Love remains steady even when trials come. It doesn’t disappear when desires aren’t met or when circumstances grow difficult. Instead, it stands through storms and fire.
Someone who loves you will:
• See the humanity on you.
• Tell you the truth, even if it hurts.
- Water your growth.
• Support you through thick and thin, not only when it benefits them.
• Value you as a person, not as an object or a fantasy.
Love is unselfish. It gives without demanding something in return, and it endures because it is built on authenticity, not illusion.
The Work of Self-Reflection
For those caught in cycles of lust or limerence, the challenge is inward. It requires self-reflection, healing, and growth.
The real question becomes, “Why do I feel the need to objectify, obsess, or control?” Only by confronting these patterns can one clearly see the story behind the voids and the rooted ideologies that support those voids. The next phrase is about loving others for who they are, not what they provide.
Seasons, Reasons, and Lifetimes
Once you understand the difference between love, lust, and limerence, you’ll find it easier to discern people’s roles in your life. Some are only meant to be in your life for a season, some for a reason, and others for a lifetime. When you can identify who truly loves you, you’ll surround yourself with relationships that bring peace, trust, and lasting joy.
